We are all always changing.
The cells in our bodies.
Our need for sleep.
The levels of sugar and adrenalin in our blood.
Our bank of life experiences
and relationships
and conversations
and surprises
and griefs
and joys.
Our body temperatures.
Our desires.
Our dreams (waking and sleeping).
The feelings and thoughts that keep passing through.
So it isn’t any wonder that in the shiftiness of everything, in the cannot-predict-what-I’ll-be-thinking-or-doing-next-year-let-alone-tomorrow-ness of it all, there come moments, and even entire seasons, when we just don’t know.
We don’t know what we’re feeling.
We don’t know why we’re angry or sad.
We don’t know what job to leave or stay with.
We don’t know what relationships to leave or pursue.
We don’t know what our bodies or souls long for.
Or where we’ll come out in the end.
Or who we think god is.
Or how to build a good life.
I keep hitting these moments and seasons myself, and by trial and error and sometimes frustrating, circuitous routes, this is what I’m learning:
There come times when our surest route to peace and to knowing our next steps more clearly – including what in heck to tell dear people who keep asking – is to soften into not knowing.
To surrender into it.
To invite it wholly in.
To admit to the feeling, releasing whatever stories we have about what “should” be known by us by now.
To consider the possibility that there really are no shoulds. None. There is only who and what and where we are right now. And now. And the impulse toward wholeness.
And to hold the possibility in our hearts that maybe not knowing is a blessed, even supported in ways we can’t see, place to be.
I’m practicing this over here on many fronts these days – with work, with my wish to be more organized about meal planning and housework, with how to navigate surrender and choice, with how to manage money, with what to do with old grief.
Want to join me? What don’t you know today that you’d like to sink more consciously into?
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Each week I give away a free print. Comment on today’s post by Friday at noon Pacific Time to be entered into the random drawing. I’ll choose one random commenter Friday afternoon to receive an archival-quality 5×7 print of today’s sketch.
Update: Comment #7 is this week’s sketch winner (generated thanks to random.org). Congratulations, Stephanie! Shoot me your mailing address and I’ll drop it in the mail.
Everything Belongs
Seasons are universal. Treat yours uniquely.
This post makes me good company today!
Comment by Florencia — January 30, 2013 @ 11:37 amI do not know what my work life will look like when March arrives, it happens to me every year, I am not good at having it all planned, and during the summer ( it´s summer down here!) I feel a little out of place not being able to delineate my year. I am still learning to be ok with that, I have some better days, and some days when I feel…, I don´t know!!!
Love
I SO needed to hear this today. I am struggling with not knowing things right now… and the words.’soften into not knowing.’ is exactly what my little heart needed to hear today.
Thank YOU!
Comment by Jennifer — January 30, 2013 @ 11:39 amThis is a wonderful sentiment. We struggle so much to figure everything out, worry and over-analyze as if somehow that will help us control every outcome.
Comment by Carol — January 30, 2013 @ 1:02 pmI would like to try to let the unknown not be as uncomfortable…
thank you, kristin. this spacious mystery that is life astounds and haunts me. being with the not knowing is honestly often excruciating, but i feel i too am slowly learning to soften into it. grateful to have a wise companion on this journey.
Comment by melissa — January 30, 2013 @ 4:44 pmThis is exactly where I am in my life–learning to surrender to not knowing and be truly ok with it. I love the word “soften” into not knowing. It’s a great full body sensory cue word. I’m sitting here resting and consciously breathing and allowing my body to soften.Thank you.
Comment by randi k — January 30, 2013 @ 5:00 pmKristin,
Comment by Shandeen — January 30, 2013 @ 5:10 pmThese Jan. posts, trust notes and Santa Pause have made me smile.
I can hear your growth. You help me remember to
not be hard on myself, surrender, we don’t have to know
the answers, just be. Amazing when we pause and just take
one thing at a time that takes the pressure off, I can breathe.
I have been trying to make meal menus for 34 years, I did one
for Jan. Yahoo There is hope and I am done trying so hard. Haha
that’s just today.
Much like others who have posted, this was a well timed message for me. There are “shoulds” that have been piling up of what I should know, should do, blah blah blah. I want to be able to soften into the unknowing and moving forward in the ways that I need to, even if I don’t know what will happen once I release applications/resumes/CVs into this big wide world.
Comment by Stephanie at Visible and Real — January 30, 2013 @ 7:10 pmThanks so much for this. Yes, this struggle with “not knowing” has certainly been part of my life journey too. I have wailed often either inwardly or outwardly about not knowing at various points in life, and I’m sort of at one of those now once again. To soften/surrender into the not knowing has also been part of my journey. . . thank you for putting it into words that remind me again. I’d love to win this print!
Comment by Ellen — January 30, 2013 @ 7:30 pmAhh, permission not to have all the answers or a plan. Kristen, once again you welcome me home to the inner truth of what I know. That anxiety is worry, worry is fear,and fear is the absence of trust, and trust requires tending. Thank you so much.
Comment by April Rose — January 30, 2013 @ 7:59 pmKristin, this is so beautiful! Both your sweet picture and the gentleness and truth of your wise words.
Just what I needed to hear in this very moment.
Thank you,
Comment by Debbie Grace — January 31, 2013 @ 9:53 amDebbie
Kristin,
Thank you–again–for this beautiful, honest sharing of truth. It resonates deeply, and I am continually amazed, inspired and grateful to learn of others spreading the vibration of surrender into what is. I associate it with the feminine archetype, which has been suppressed for centuries.In these chaotic times, you serve the wholeness in each of us and a re-balancing of the masculine and feminine with your powerful and poetic words and precious artwork. I, too, am practicing this surrender … and am honored to have another companion on the journey!
Namaste,
Comment by Andrea Wenger — January 31, 2013 @ 5:52 pmAndrea
I nodded while reading this-with tears in my eyes. I have just hit the place of letting myself not know, and it feels like hurling into space-terrifying and also a huge relief.
Comment by Betsy — January 31, 2013 @ 9:44 pm(sent this post by Andrea, commenter #11 :-))
thanks. I’m excited to keep reading you.
Betsy
Yes, thank you!
Comment by Richard — February 1, 2013 @ 10:48 amThis is going in my Treasure Map this week. I am adding it as a part of my new Manifesto on Compassion for Myself. I love the Universe this arrived at the perfect moment. Thank You.!
Comment by Carol — February 1, 2013 @ 11:12 amNot only are there no shoulds but also there are no expectations. Being crippled by fear to act takes a lot of my time because I want to control the outcome.
Comment by Rich — February 1, 2013 @ 11:37 amThank you, Kristin, for this inspired and timely post.
Comment by Sally — February 1, 2013 @ 11:50 amI want to settle into the not-knowing of my deepest and truest passion.