We are all always changing.
The cells in our bodies.
Our need for sleep.
The levels of sugar and adrenalin in our blood.
Our bank of life experiences
Our body temperatures.
Our dreams (waking and sleeping).
The feelings and thoughts that keep passing through.
So it isn’t any wonder that in the shiftiness of everything, in the cannot-predict-what-I’ll-be-thinking-or-doing-next-year-let-alone-tomorrow-ness of it all, there come moments, and even entire seasons, when we just don’t know.
We don’t know what we’re feeling.
We don’t know why we’re angry or sad.
We don’t know what job to leave or stay with.
We don’t know what relationships to leave or pursue.
We don’t know what our bodies or souls long for.
Or where we’ll come out in the end.
Or who we think god is.
Or how to build a good life.
I keep hitting these moments and seasons myself, and by trial and error and sometimes frustrating, circuitous routes, this is what I’m learning:
There come times when our surest route to peace and to knowing our next steps more clearly – including what in heck to tell dear people who keep asking – is to soften into not knowing.
To surrender into it.
To invite it wholly in.
To admit to the feeling, releasing whatever stories we have about what “should” be known by us by now.
To consider the possibility that there really are no shoulds. None. There is only who and what and where we are right now. And now. And the impulse toward wholeness.
And to hold the possibility in our hearts that maybe not knowing is a blessed, even supported in ways we can’t see, place to be.
I’m practicing this over here on many fronts these days – with work, with my wish to be more organized about meal planning and housework, with how to navigate surrender and choice, with how to manage money, with what to do with old grief.
Want to join me? What don’t you know today that you’d like to sink more consciously into?
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Each week I give away a free print. Comment on today’s post by Friday at noon Pacific Time to be entered into the random drawing. I’ll choose one random commenter Friday afternoon to receive an archival-quality 5×7 print of today’s sketch.
Update: Comment #7 is this week’s sketch winner (generated thanks to random.org). Congratulations, Stephanie! Shoot me your mailing address and I’ll drop it in the mail.