May 1, 2011

It’s May! A new month begins in our world, and also here at this site. After a month of talking about starting new things, I thought it’d make sense to shift focus onto something that has important overlap with that theme, and simultaneously opens out into brand new territory.

“Help” is what I’m thinking of.

Help has been a loaded concept for me for much of my life – loaded with conflicting feelings and pendulum swings.

I’ve tried to save people.
I’ve tried to get people to save me.

I’ve turned away from good advice when I’ve truly needed it and
taken bad advice when I’ve been too insecure to know (or trust…) the difference.

I’ve poured myself out to the point of burn-out and
become so protective of my space and time that love’s call could easily have been missed.

I’ve cared so much that I’ve become immobilized by concern and
grown shame around comments that I’m caring too much.

And I’ve wondered and wonder still what it means to live out my belief that we’re all connected, that we create our world together, that my love of neighbor is intimately related with love of self, and that the process – the Whole Process, of life on our globe – does not ask me to be Its savior. Doesn’t even want me to be. I’m a speck of dust in the Big Scheme. And, like each of you (in my mind, at least), an important one at that.

These are some of the angles of help we’ll explore here this month – angles in the giving and receiving of it.

Are there other angles you’d like to see covered? Related questions or issues you’re pondering and want to find ways to grow trust around? I’d love to hear them if you do! Please share in the comments below.

Here’s to all we’ll discover this month and all the trust we’ll get to grow!

Each month at Trust Tending is devoted to a different theme. Click here to view and peruse past themes and to see a working list of themes to come.

10 Comments »

1. Kristin,
   Great topic. Another shirt you could have hanging up is PRIDE.
   It keeps me from asking for help. Pride says I can Do it on my own. Pride says asking for help is a weakness. It keeeps me from allowing someone to experience the joy of giving. It keeps me from learning what they have to offer. I am learning to squash Pride and open myself to many possibilities. Look forward to your thoughts this month and others comments.

   Comment by Shandeen — May 2, 2011 @ 9:08 am

2. Ooo, that’s a great one for this sketch! Yes! I’m looking forward to talking more about that this month.

   Comment by Kristin — May 2, 2011 @ 9:26 am

3. My issue is that I’ve spent so long figuring out how to do everything on my own, for myself and my family, that i’m not always sure what to even ask for help for! Consequently, most of the time, I think: by the time I figure out what to ask someone else to do, I can do it myself.

   I guess that’s part of the pride thing. But it’s also part of “being self-sufficient” and always believing that it is good to be self-sufficient… which isn’t always the case.

   I too look forward to how you explore this topic this month.

   Comment by GailNHB — May 2, 2011 @ 5:03 pm

4. Gail, I think you raise a great issue. Is there some inherent value to relying on other people? If there is, it seems like identifying or being aware of our true needs taps into this value more than asking for help for things we can ably do ourselves just for the sake of asking. Thanks for getting me thinking on these things…

   Comment by Kristin — May 2, 2011 @ 6:45 pm

5. I’m excited about May!!!

   Comment by Karah Fisher Madrone — May 2, 2011 @ 7:48 pm

6. Karah – Yay!! :) Me too!

   Comment by Kristin — May 2, 2011 @ 8:11 pm

7. Asking for help is a huge issue in my life too.

   Everyone else seems more important. They always do. Some of it is about balance, more of it is about pride, just as Shandeen said.

   The past two weeks or so I did it all because I didn’t know what I needed to ask for, or who to ask for it from that wouldn’t let me down. Hopefully that is behind me, although it seems a little cyclic, doesn’t it?

   Comment by Renee — May 3, 2011 @ 12:00 pm

8. Renee, your words here, “everyone else seems more important”, stand out for me so much. I’m curious about context and the feelings at the heart of that idea. If you feel like sharing more, I’m all ears.

   Comment by Kristin — May 3, 2011 @ 8:50 pm

9. Renee, not sure we are talking about the same thing,but when I say, “everyone else seems more important”, this is where my brain starts reasoning: I am an empathetic person. I listen to what people need. I want to meet them where they are at. Then it slowly builds to: I am the only one who hears this and can respond. They NEED me. I am so selfish to think I am the only one with needs – I must put aside my whatever and respond immediately to them or something bad will happen. If I need them like they need me, then they will not like me anymore. I am too needy.

   Whooh! That’s alot to put on one poor gal!

   Kristin: thanks for finding just the “write” words. Your words are very healing.

   Comment by Ellen — May 11, 2011 @ 2:13 pm

10. Ellen, I so relate to lots about your process! I have often had a cycle of feeling like I’m the only one who can help a given person. This has left me depressed on more than one occasion since I’m simultaneously able to see that even my best efforts would not “fix” anyone’s life. I guess it’s a catch-22 feeling.

    Here’s to stepping away from these cycles when ever and where ever we can!! :)

    Comment by Kristin — May 11, 2011 @ 2:39 pm

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