As I continue my dives into this topic of starting new things I’m bumping into something repeatedly. It feels huge and important and worth exploring thoughtfully. Truly, it feels like a key to a new world for all of us.

One of the driving ideas of this site is that force and coercion are not the most effective means of addressing fear. These can take the form of bullying ourselves into doing things that scare us; encouraging friends or coaches to “kick our butts” into doing what we know we want to do; literally or metaphorically shouting at ourselves alternative “truths” to the things our fears are telling us (i.e. I’m just fine! There’s nothing here to fear! I’m good enough, smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!!).

These methods get things done, but generally cause fear to go underground where it continues to wreak havoc – and often worse havoc than when it’s allowed the light of day. Their efficiency is in outer results, but when it comes to achieving a peaceful inner world, they slow down or even stall out that process entirely.

Instead of force and coercion, then, I advocate a gentler approach to addressing fear. I advocate a daily practice of cultivating trust.

This practice can take any number of forms and reach into myriad arenas, but the heart of it, the seed, is this: fear naturally loses its power the more our trust takes root. And by trust I mean the sense that I’m okay no matter what happens; that learning is always possible; that there is no need to prove my worthiness of love; that my outer achievements are not benchmarks of my worth; that I can say yes and I can say no; that there isn’t any shame in changing my mind; that age and youth do not disqualify me from joining the conversation; that I can take risks and can also wait for ripeness for such things.

You get the idea.

But here’s the thing I keep bumping into: masculine energy. Like feminine energy, it’s everywhere, and this irrespective of gender. And generally speaking, public life in the western world has long been weighted far more toward masculine energy. It’s characterized by light (think: sun), action, assertion, direction, focus, and logic. Conversely, feminine energy is characterized by darkness (think: moon), receptivity, emotion, creativity, and intuition.

To me, the work of tending trust aligns more readily with feminine energy. It’s a revolutionary contrast to the more popularized, and masculine, methods of dealing with fear.

And yet.

It seems to me, in all the thinking I’ve been doing about starting new things this month, that a balance of masculine and feminine energy is every bit as important in the work of tending trust as it is in the work of running countries, corporations, and firms. It seems inseparable from the capacity to listen to and honor fear (feminine energy) and not be immobilized by that listening, but motivated to strategize and take helpful action (masculine energy) in response to it.

Case in point: I have felt so vulnerable this month. I’m working on an interview series with writers and thinkers and entrepreneurs whose resumés are book-length tomes. I’m finishing an ebook that I want to share with you soon. I’m brainstorming projects that feel at the heart of my calling and well beyond my bank of experience.

These are all good things that I want to be doing, but I’m vulnerable as I do them. There is lots in me that wants to stall, to zone out, to avoid the discomfort of them all. And I’m noting that to heed these impulses would be to dwell in my feminine’s shadow.

I’m clear, however, on my current calling, and recognize a ripeness for all of these goals. So when my kids get sick in the midst of them all, and I’m left without my normal hours for work (as has happened this week), I’m discovering my capacity to lean into energies that don’t rejoice at an excuse to stall (hello, personal history!), but at the chance to face a challenge with greater determination. I’m recognizing that for me, to tend trust in all of this newness + my current week’s setbacks is to tap into my masculine strength and press forward, into the late hours if (since!) need be, to do the work I know is mine right now to do.

So here’s a question for all of us: As we start new things and simultaneously wish for grounded, peaceful inner worlds, how are our masculine and feminine energies being balanced? Where might we need to lean into one or the other to reach more effectively for the lives – inner and outer – we most want?

My hunch is that the vast majority of us could use more feminine energy to counter the forceful, coercive voices that keep us blocked and/or running doggedly after outer achievement. But maybe there are some of us whose positive, masculine energies need to be tapped in a greater way…whose trust could actually be nourished by the doors this energy takes us through.

If you’re in this camp, here’s a song for you (Tom Petty’s Won’t Back Down):

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

And if you’re in the other, here’s one with wonderfully feminine inspiration (Trish Bruxvoort Colligan’s What If from her album Splash – highly recommend!):

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

May you know when to rest and when to press ahead. May clarity about the work that’s yours to do right now come. May you find, even in your unknowings, the power that flows from the masculine and feminine sides of you.