Wisdom? I don’t know. But I will say this: I am committed to giving my children a steady dose of my thoughts and beliefs in this area, to keeping television strictly monitored and limited when they are under my watchful care, and to being an example of reducing our consumption in as many ways as we can. I read aloud to them as often as part of our homeschooling and sometimes before bedtime. We go for walks together, play games, and when we do watch television together, I am the commentator in the corner critiquing commercials, pointing out the way that both men and women are portrayed and how those portrayals don’t do men or women true justice, and pointing out the sexist, racist, violent attitudes that pervade the media.

When they begin to ask for more stuff, I remind them of all the stuff we already have, of all that we thought we wanted and never made full use of, and that we are enough as we are - without any of the stuff that we are being sold. It’s a tough sell at times, but I have not and will not give up the fight. Not with them and not with my husband either.

There are many areas in which my husband and I are united, and those are far more numerous than those in which we are at odds. In the end, our marriage partnership and the children we are raising deserve the best efforts and wisdom we have. And in those areas where we disagree, we give each other and our children an opportunity to hear at least two opinions and figure out our own individual thoughts on any given topic.

Twenty years and we are still figuring out who we are as a couple and what we are as a family unit. I suspect that the work will never end.

Gail, your final questions are really tough ones. It seems like the conversation is really different depending on the attitude of each partner. If both are “in” - are really wanting to work at things together, to try to understand the differences and find common ground - then the conversation looks one way. But if both *aren’t” in, it seems totally different. I’m not sure what situation you’re in, but it sounds like you’ve been partnered for a long time. If you have wisdom you’d like to share, I’m sure we’re all ears.

Fran, this is hopeful news. I have a hunch that you’re exactly right about the number time can do on enoughness issues. And yes, meaningful relationships are directly correlated with my sense that life is good. Seasons where these are fewer are so much darker, and seasons where they’re plentiful are golden.

Silicon Valley is a lot like Palos Verdes where I work, but we slowly learn that “things” don’t fill up the hole in the soul. Your hubbie and baby do, however.

I recently read a book entitled “Eat to Live” which talks about the tremendous health benefits of raw fruits and vegetables. Clearer skin, weight loss, less stuffy nose problems, more energy, and easier digestive tract movement are all benefits that I have reaped in simply 8 weeks of following the plan. My daughter has embraced it whole-heartedly as we scarf down huge salads with flavored vinegars and fresh fruit every day. I highly recommend the book - I got it at the library. Along the way, we have drastically reduced our “recreational shopping habit” - we simply don’t need anything - and learned the joy of sitting on the deck reading and drinking ice water on hot afternoons.

Anyway, here’s a question I struggle with: what does one do when one’s partner loves television and commercials and shopping and McDonald’s and more, more, more of all of the above? And what if one child is wholeheartedly following that path?

Perhaps it’s a larger question than that: what if one is at odds in some fundamental ways with one’s life partner?