So…doesn’t it seem like sexuality might not be quite the right word for everything we’re talking about? Like maybe our life forces can be seen as a bunch of transparent, overlapping circles, and sexuality is one of the circles, which, by nature of all of the overlap, flavors all of the rest. Could it be that because of all of this overlap, our definitions get fuzzy; we mistake everything for everything else, when it really IS possible, at least to some small extent, to speak of the circles in isolation?

I think this was what I was getting on in a comment from last time when I said maybe sensuality and sexuality aren’t always appropriately paired when describing us. Sometimes yes, but sometimes, at least according to this train of thought, only sensuality applies. I’m actually wondering, as this conversations goes on, whether the “about sex” part of sexuality gets short shrift if we expand sexuality out to mean so much.

Julianne, YES! I think you’re so right: our basic assumptions about people and our world cannot help but affect our capacity for abandonment. I really, really like what Nate said about finding a way, even in the midst of a world where there are legitimate reasons to fear and to protect oneself, of stepping outside of a certain kind of game. One that says being hurt is worse than terrible. One that says being betrayed is the end of the world. One that says if you wound me, I won’t ever be able to heal, and my worst fears about the world will also be confirmed – that it’s a terrible place. This game has as its ultimate rule: avoid death and pain, in all their many forms, at all costs.

Stepping outside of this game, which, like Nate said, surely takes tremendous courage and support from outside and deep inside oneself, seems like the only way of allowing the world to be what it is – a place full of opportunities for death and pain to be realized – while at the same time leaving room for the world to be…what it also is: a place full of goodness and beauty and safety and loveliness. A place where goodness often “wins”. This seems like the only way for death, in its many literal and figurative forms, to actually not win so much.

My experience with trying to step outside of this game, not only in a general sense, like it seemed like Jesus was able to do, but also in relation to my own self, and to my views of humanity (which, I think Jesus did, too, I guess), has opened up my capacity for trust in ways I could never have dreamed possible ten years ago. I feel more able to trust that in myself and in the people I’m interacting with, there is darkness and light, both. There is that which turns toward light like plants toward sun. And yes, the opposite, too. This makes me trust myself and people so much more, in part because I trust that in everyone is light, but in part because I can see that we’re all in the same boat together on both sides of the coin.

Maybe this relates with Nate’s comments about creative energy and destructive energy. I think we both have both inside of us, and some of us more of one than the other. Maybe these energies comprise two more of our circles (in that metaphor I used above), so that sexual energy can actually overlap with both creativity and destructiveness, depending on the situation. Examples of both seem like they’re everywhere.

But what do you think, Julianne?  Is the concept of original sin compatible with this dark-and-light idea?  How does any of this jive with your thoughts or experiences?

Fran, I have to smile about “being too horny to find God in the details”. Isn’t that just so true sometimes? So interesting how life stages (the increase or decrease of certain hormones, for example…) can open up new awarenesses for us. Thanks for the link, too! I’ll go check it out.

Hadashi, I really like your words on intimacy. They and your words, Julianne, about finding freedom in the context of your home, make me think that intimacy and abandonment, on the one hand, and safety and security, on the other hand, are actually a dialectic; the two hands actually working back and forth to make more of each other possible. The safer I am, the more free I become in my sexual/sensual/creative self, and therefore in my capacity for intimacy. The more free I become in my sexual/sensual/creative/intimate self, the more capacity I have to trust. To find myself known and secure. Don’t these two sides work together?

Erica, primitivism – that’s a really nice word. I love the idea that all of us have a deep capacity to thrive as sexual, creative, spiritual beings, and that noticing our capacities for these things getting realized is a way of noticing who we really, deeply are. I hadn’t thought of it this way before.

Heather, can I just say I wish I’d been there too?? Sounds like a gorgeous person and night.

Phew! This was a long comment!

I only have one idea to add, expressed in a word, that ties a lot of these ideas together in my mind, and it is : primitivism. I am using that word here to represent Things Original About Us, or Me. I think the idea of abandonment, the losing of self-conscious filters, hold for me this sense of getting back to, in into, our deepest original selves and I think that in Spirituality, Creativity, and Sexuality there are unique opportunities to see, know, feel ourselves– in sparks.

Yes, yes, yes. We are one. Each of us is one creature, endowed with all these forces. They are connected and related. How can we separate one from another?

I look at your three words, Kristin, and I think: We connect with others through spiritual means. We hear, we see, we touch something in them, and they touch us. We create new relationships, new connections, new evidences of those connections in our words, in our thoughts, in the way we respond to the world.

Here’s a very relevant and current example for me. I found this blog a few months ago, read it, commented on it, and I am being changed. A new nuance of thought is created in me, and it affects the way I relate to my husband and my children. The way in which our spirits touch and interact is created anew.

And our sexuality changes. I am more aware of where there are blocks in our marriage and in our sexual relationship as well and where movement needs to occur.

I am also more aware of how I interact with others in my life. I notice connections differently. I notice the magic- that is all around us at all times, by the way - more readily, all because I have connected to a kindred spirit at this blog.

Are spirituality, creativity, and sexuality connected? Absolutely.

much that i agree with has been said, but i do want to introduce one word into the equation: intimacy. i feel like the connection between healthy sexuality, healthy creativity, and healthy spirituality is deeply embedded in this idea. perhaps other words we’ve been using — safe, secure, committed, trust etc. are all synonyms.

even though i was raised to understand that sexuality and the act of sex are not the same — my femininity is not at all dependant on me having sex, nor does sexuality suddenly turn on/off like a lightswitch if you’re sexually active or not — it still took me awhile to be comfortable with its power, its creative force in me. and once i understood that being sexual/sensual/feminine in authentic, creative ways was actually an act of worship, and act of gratitude towards my Creator, who after all created me in His/Her image, then i found my fears of intimacy began to subside.

i think that, at least for me, the self-revelation — that comfortability in your own nakedness, whether literal or figurative, whether sexual or creative, that Christy so articulately spoke of — comes through allowing the vulnerability of intimacy — with God, with my husband, with my soul-nourishing friends, with even myself.

and oh yeah — Kristin, i really like that your blog is becoming a place for creative, interesting, lively conversation. thanks for being so generous.

Julianne, I love your comments about needing security in order to express ourselves fully. I do think it is necessary to have security (either objective or perceived) in order to express ourselves. But I’m putting more hope in the perceived security route because I don’t think our world will ever be safe, at least not in our lifetimes! :) I think Jesus is a great example of someone who created perceived/inner/psychological security where objective security didn’t exist. Rather than waiting for the world to become safe, and rather than trying to violently destroy the forces that were making it unsafe, he opted out. He opted out of the “game” that was being played by the world that makes it so unsafe in the first place. Once he did this he was free to fully express love, eros, or whatever we want to call it. He did get killed, but his shortened life was one of great beauty and life. I think we, too, can redefine the rules of the game that we’re willing to play, rather than let the world tell us what rules we have to follow. However, it is costly, takes immense courage, and requires support from sources outside of ourselves. I’m not at that place yet, but I’m inspired to keep moving closer to it. At any rate, thanks for the great conversation!