Sexuality, spirituality, creativity (sexuaspiritreativity?)
There are something like 50 rabbit trails from the last conversation that I’d love to pursue. (If you haven’t read the comments from last time, that’s where all the good stuff is.) Where in the world to start??
How about with these two: the sexuality/spirituality connection, and the sexuality/creativity connection. Which, when it all shakes down, means speaking of the spirituality/creativity connection too, then, right? Three for the price of two.
Last time Christy said the second chakra in Kunadlini yoga has to do with sexuality and creativity. Both. She said, “I think it [sexual/creative energy] has something to do with being comfortable taking up space and being seen and being naked - creativity and sex both require a certain amount of self-revelation, and in a lot of ways it’s the same sort of energy.”
This makes a lot of sense to me. The periods in my life where I’ve been most creative and/or most horny (is there no more elegant word for this??) have been the times when my shame has been the smallest. When self-consciousness has fallen away, and I’m not thinking, “Will I look stupid?” or “Will this seem silly?” or “What if I’m wrong?” but rather, “I really, really want to do this!” Thinking probably isn’t the right word to use here, either, because feelings have been much more salient. I’m not thinking, “I really want to do this!” I’m feeling it. And by “do this”, I’m speaking here of more than sex. Writing, painting, dancing, and creating music have all been involved for me.
So to reiterate, I think shame and abandonment to any sort of passion are inversely related.
This feels (!) like a pivot point, to me, for talking about the sexuality/spirituality connection. Spiritually alive people from across religious and non-religious traditions seem to have in common the capacity for abandonment - to wonder, to smallness, to not knowing, to Love. Could it be that spiritual abandonment and sexual abandonment aren’t entirely different things? - that when abandonment blocks (like fear, shame, self-consciousness etc.) are introduced into one’s sexual relationships (fear of what the other thinks of my body or “performance”, of what this act of sex actually means to me or to my partner, of being used, of getting a disease, of getting pregnant) - that when these blocks to abandonment are introduced, our capacity for abandonment more generally takes a hit? Including our abandonment to God or beauty or wonder or whatever other spiritual thing you want to name? (I recognize that I’ve just turned the conversation from sexuality defined broadly - as per some of the comments from the last post - to the actual act of sex. Probably both deserve many rounds of discussion. I wonder whether the point still stands, though, when speaking of sexuality more broadly.)
I wonder whether sex in the context of security (a safe and committed relationship, for example) allows sex, and all the complex vulnerabilities and fears that can be associated with it, to be outside the realm of “things that block abandonment”. And not only this, but actually inside the realm of things that grow one’s capacity for it. Maybe every sort of abandonment block there is - sexual and intellectual and artistic and otherwise - has tremendous implications for the abadonment we experience (or yearn for) spiritually.
What do you think? Are all these things (spirituality, creativity, sexuality) related?
February 20th, 2007 at 3:04 am
Kristin et al.,
thank you for going back to the definition of sexuality. I think my big hang up is, as Gail so aptly put it, the word ’sex’. Somehow, thinking of this life force in terms of sensual aspects of life seems more appropriate to me. I suppose what we call it is less important than what we are talking about, but language is our medium, and only one language at that!
I also connect better with the idea voiced by both Kristin and Christy as joy in being seen and, as a logical next step, known. Being seen is part of being known and if one really looks into another’s eyes with a purposefulness of really seeing that person, the implilcation is the desire to know the other.
A third thought is about security. Lately I have been feeling a great desire to hide, to not be seen, so I understand what you mean by shame hindering our abandonment to sexuality or sensuality or the full experience of being seen. The one place where I do not feel any need to hide from being seen, the realm where I feel no, or little shame is my home with my husband. Here I feel safe. Here I can be abandoned if I somehow can get over the world out there that presently seems to intimidate me. This seems to imply that we can only be sexually abandoned, or exhibit that vigorous life force, creativity, and experience healthy spirituality in places of security. What do you think? To take the thought further, is it necessary to see the world as a safe place, to trust it, the people making it up and the institutions or systems it comprises, in order to acheive that abandon and free creativity/sexuality/spirituality that we are talking about? And what if my worldview is suspicious of those around me or what if I hold the view of original sin, for example - seeing humanity as at base not good, in need of redeeming, and therefore I expect hurt, suffering, shame? It seems this all comes back to our view of humanity and our world because we relate to our surroundings based on these assumptions we carry around with us.
February 20th, 2007 at 7:21 pm
This has been a really great conversation! I have a couple of thoughts to add to the mix. One has to do with the definition of the life force/s that have been mentioned. They remind me of Freud’s “eros”, or drive toward pleasure, connection, creation, etc., and the “death wish”, which refers to the drive toward destruction. Both seem really important and necessary for life. Eros brings people together (literally and symbolically), inspires art and beauty, leads to creativity, etc. On the other hand, our death drive (I’d personally call it something different) leads us to engage in the destruction of things we don’t like. Many times this isn’t good, but many times it is. Psychological blocks, evil institutions, etc.–these need to be deconstructed. It seems like the expression of eros is much more inspiring and appealing to others (maybe not, though–maybe both drives have a light and a dark side). Maybe Gandhi’s efforts to win independence nonviolently is an example of the life-giving sides of both eros and the death instinct. At any rate, it seems like sexuality would fit in the category of eros. (I kind of like the terms “creative energy” and “destructive energy” better than eros and the death instinct).
Julianne, I love your comments about needing security in order to express ourselves fully. I do think it is necessary to have security (either objective or perceived) in order to express ourselves. But I’m putting more hope in the perceived security route because I don’t think our world will ever be safe, at least not in our lifetimes! :) I think Jesus is a great example of someone who created perceived/inner/psychological security where objective security didn’t exist. Rather than waiting for the world to become safe, and rather than trying to violently destroy the forces that were making it unsafe, he opted out. He opted out of the “game” that was being played by the world that makes it so unsafe in the first place. Once he did this he was free to fully express love, eros, or whatever we want to call it. He did get killed, but his shortened life was one of great beauty and life. I think we, too, can redefine the rules of the game that we’re willing to play, rather than let the world tell us what rules we have to follow. However, it is costly, takes immense courage, and requires support from sources outside of ourselves. I’m not at that place yet, but I’m inspired to keep moving closer to it. At any rate, thanks for the great conversation!
February 20th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
A lot of food for thought here, Kristin. I particularly like the comment regarding the first chakra. We all know that Freud believed everything was basically about sexuality, although who was it that said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar? Health is a question of balance, of our ability to integrate all these parts of ourselves. And then we have an older woman–like me, without a partner, so sexuality the way I once knew it no longer exists. But now that sex itself no longer rules almost every move I make, I find that God is (and always was) in the details, which I was too “horny” (your apt word) to recognize for many years of my life.
February 20th, 2007 at 8:59 pm
I just read Tamarika’s entry at Mining Nuggets and it seemed so relevant to your post that I had to send you this link: http://tamarika.typepad.com/mined_nuggets/
February 20th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
i’ve been following — and immensely enjoying — this ongoing conversation, and wanted to sit back and let everyone else talk for awhile…
much that i agree with has been said, but i do want to introduce one word into the equation: intimacy. i feel like the connection between healthy sexuality, healthy creativity, and healthy spirituality is deeply embedded in this idea. perhaps other words we’ve been using — safe, secure, committed, trust etc. are all synonyms.
even though i was raised to understand that sexuality and the act of sex are not the same — my femininity is not at all dependant on me having sex, nor does sexuality suddenly turn on/off like a lightswitch if you’re sexually active or not — it still took me awhile to be comfortable with its power, its creative force in me. and once i understood that being sexual/sensual/feminine in authentic, creative ways was actually an act of worship, and act of gratitude towards my Creator, who after all created me in His/Her image, then i found my fears of intimacy began to subside.
i think that, at least for me, the self-revelation — that comfortability in your own nakedness, whether literal or figurative, whether sexual or creative, that Christy so articulately spoke of — comes through allowing the vulnerability of intimacy — with God, with my husband, with my soul-nourishing friends, with even myself.
and oh yeah — Kristin, i really like that your blog is becoming a place for creative, interesting, lively conversation. thanks for being so generous.
February 21st, 2007 at 4:53 am
Are all these things (spirituality, creativity, sexuality) related?
Yes, yes, yes. We are one. Each of us is one creature, endowed with all these forces. They are connected and related. How can we separate one from another?
I look at your three words, Kristin, and I think: We connect with others through spiritual means. We hear, we see, we touch something in them, and they touch us. We create new relationships, new connections, new evidences of those connections in our words, in our thoughts, in the way we respond to the world.
Here’s a very relevant and current example for me. I found this blog a few months ago, read it, commented on it, and I am being changed. A new nuance of thought is created in me, and it affects the way I relate to my husband and my children. The way in which our spirits touch and interact is created anew.
And our sexuality changes. I am more aware of where there are blocks in our marriage and in our sexual relationship as well and where movement needs to occur.
I am also more aware of how I interact with others in my life. I notice connections differently. I notice the magic- that is all around us at all times, by the way - more readily, all because I have connected to a kindred spirit at this blog.
Are spirituality, creativity, and sexuality connected? Absolutely.
February 21st, 2007 at 9:17 am
okay, this conversation, I could reread it two more times and still need to go through it slowly again…
and I probably will! So much is being brought here– it is a great cooperative think-fest.
I only have one idea to add, expressed in a word, that ties a lot of these ideas together in my mind, and it is : primitivism. I am using that word here to represent Things Original About Us, or Me. I think the idea of abandonment, the losing of self-conscious filters, hold for me this sense of getting back to, in into, our deepest original selves and I think that in Spirituality, Creativity, and Sexuality there are unique opportunities to see, know, feel ourselves– in sparks.
February 21st, 2007 at 9:35 am
Last night, I was at a Ruthie Foster concert, and I couldn’t help but think about what you wrote. She is beautiful and sensual and extremely gifted. Her curvy black body moved in a smooth, sexy way as her voice soared through the rafters. Even when she sang southern gospel songs (maybe ESPECIALLY then), her sexuality oozed from her body and her voice. Yes, while I watched her, I found myself believing that spirituality, creativity and sexuality are intricately intwined.
February 21st, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Wow! Lots of great stuff here! Thank you to everyone, again! I’m learning so much.
So…doesn’t it seem like sexuality might not be quite the right word for everything we’re talking about? Like maybe our life forces can be seen as a bunch of transparent, overlapping circles, and sexuality is one of the circles, which, by nature of all of the overlap, flavors all of the rest. Could it be that because of all of this overlap, our definitions get fuzzy; we mistake everything for everything else, when it really IS possible, at least to some small extent, to speak of the circles in isolation?
I think this was what I was getting on in a comment from last time when I said maybe sensuality and sexuality aren’t always appropriately paired when describing us. Sometimes yes, but sometimes, at least according to this train of thought, only sensuality applies. I’m actually wondering, as this conversations goes on, whether the “about sex” part of sexuality gets short shrift if we expand sexuality out to mean so much.
Julianne, YES! I think you’re so right: our basic assumptions about people and our world cannot help but affect our capacity for abandonment. I really, really like what Nate said about finding a way, even in the midst of a world where there are legitimate reasons to fear and to protect oneself, of stepping outside of a certain kind of game. One that says being hurt is worse than terrible. One that says being betrayed is the end of the world. One that says if you wound me, I won’t ever be able to heal, and my worst fears about the world will also be confirmed – that it’s a terrible place. This game has as its ultimate rule: avoid death and pain, in all their many forms, at all costs.
Stepping outside of this game, which, like Nate said, surely takes tremendous courage and support from outside and deep inside oneself, seems like the only way of allowing the world to be what it is – a place full of opportunities for death and pain to be realized – while at the same time leaving room for the world to be…what it also is: a place full of goodness and beauty and safety and loveliness. A place where goodness often “wins”. This seems like the only way for death, in its many literal and figurative forms, to actually not win so much.
My experience with trying to step outside of this game, not only in a general sense, like it seemed like Jesus was able to do, but also in relation to my own self, and to my views of humanity (which, I think Jesus did, too, I guess), has opened up my capacity for trust in ways I could never have dreamed possible ten years ago. I feel more able to trust that in myself and in the people I’m interacting with, there is darkness and light, both. There is that which turns toward light like plants toward sun. And yes, the opposite, too. This makes me trust myself and people so much more, in part because I trust that in everyone is light, but in part because I can see that we’re all in the same boat together on both sides of the coin.
Maybe this relates with Nate’s comments about creative energy and destructive energy. I think we both have both inside of us, and some of us more of one than the other. Maybe these energies comprise two more of our circles (in that metaphor I used above), so that sexual energy can actually overlap with both creativity and destructiveness, depending on the situation. Examples of both seem like they’re everywhere.
But what do you think, Julianne? Is the concept of original sin compatible with this dark-and-light idea? How does any of this jive with your thoughts or experiences?
Fran, I have to smile about “being too horny to find God in the details”. Isn’t that just so true sometimes? So interesting how life stages (the increase or decrease of certain hormones, for example…) can open up new awarenesses for us. Thanks for the link, too! I’ll go check it out.
Hadashi, I really like your words on intimacy. They and your words, Julianne, about finding freedom in the context of your home, make me think that intimacy and abandonment, on the one hand, and safety and security, on the other hand, are actually a dialectic; the two hands actually working back and forth to make more of each other possible. The safer I am, the more free I become in my sexual/sensual/creative self, and therefore in my capacity for intimacy. The more free I become in my sexual/sensual/creative/intimate self, the more capacity I have to trust. To find myself known and secure. Don’t these two sides work together?
Erica, primitivism – that’s a really nice word. I love the idea that all of us have a deep capacity to thrive as sexual, creative, spiritual beings, and that noticing our capacities for these things getting realized is a way of noticing who we really, deeply are. I hadn’t thought of it this way before.
Heather, can I just say I wish I’d been there too?? Sounds like a gorgeous person and night.
Phew! This was a long comment!
February 28th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
You know what I observed about your last post, Kristin, is that you seemed to be fully awake in present time. And all the glory that you perceived and received seemed to be a rich sexuaspiritreativity mix. In my experience, when we manage those moments of pure presence (which but their very nature are not blocked by fear, control, blame and all the other lovely things our minds habitually do), we become a lightning rod of receptivity to universal energy, which we can manifest however we choose: spiritually, creatively, sexually. At least that’s how this blissed out woman is experiencing her sexuaspiritreativity tonight!
March 7th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Sage, I love this thought! - that we become “a lightning rod of universal energy which we can manifest however we choose.” Yes! That rings and rings for me.