A long time ago I wrote about the Tao, and how “going with the Tao” can be a way of describing the feeling of knowing the dance by heart. I’m sure literally too, but I’m speaking figuratively here–that feeling of sliding along with life, knowing when to turn, when to dip or twist, when to stand perfectly still or take a bow. I think another metaphor for this could be ripeness, knowing when the time for a particular thought or word or action is now.

I’m feeling a strong sense of ripeness for something these days, like the dance of my life is tugging at me, and I want to join in. I think it has to do with more openly talking about my spiritual life and the path this has taken in the last decade. I’ve been guarded about this. I’ve needed to heal and get distance from a lot of stuff that’s hurt. Unveilings has been a wonderful place, after years of roiling depression, to put words to the hope I’ve felt and/or reached toward since then. The generally positive spin here has been intentional, a way I’ve tried to move past my habit of defining myself always as what I’m not, or as what I’m all torn up about. Defining oneself that way is totally necessary sometimes, often for years at a time, so I’m not critiquing it. I had simply (ha!) reached a point where I could tell I was spinning my wheels, and I was tired of it. I needed a more directional movement to pursue.

So I exited stage left.

I exited almost entirely the kinds of conversations I had been addicted to for so long (it isn’t in my about page anymore, but I got Master’s degrees in Theology and New Testament, and was on track for a few years to either pastor or pursue a PhD and professorship in some form of Theology). My drug was discussing what about many forms of Christianity wasn’t working for me, and why I thought the same wasn’t working for many more people than that. I’ve touched on these things here (and once I get all my archives re-categorized, it’ll be easier for you to find where), but not often, and usually in such a way that I avoided conversation. You know those yippy dogs that run up behind you barking, but all they do is nip before running back away? That’s how I’ve felt sometimes about talking about religion here. Nip and run.

I’m not itching to dive back into that fray (the one I exited), and even less in spinning my wheels. But I am feeling ripe for at least talking more about my experiences of both things. Or rather, about my experience of being a Christian, and my experiences since then of being hard to define. And I’m interested in talking with you about them too, rather than just to you, and in more than tiny spurts…I think. :)

So. In the midst of other sorts of posts, you can probably expect a few more than average on the topic of religion and the complicated relationship I continue to have with it.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 at 1:04 pm and is filed under Religion/Spirituality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.