Daydreams
I think I need a dose of the detachment Buddhists talk about—that ability to notice emotions like fear or grief or anger or disappointment, but not be so controlled by them. This has come to my attention in the last couple of months as I’ve spent an inordinate number of hours on the internet and phone dealing with health insurance companies. My self-perception as one who can navigate life’s rougher waters has really been challenged (yes, I know health insurance problems don’t seem like they qualify as rough waters, but believe me, they do). I’m to the point that my blood pressure instinctually rises when I notice a health insurance letter in the mail.
Why is it that it takes so long to learn this simple lesson: life is neither perfectly smooth, nor perfectly rough. I spent my childhood believing it was all smooth, the first half of my 20’s believing it was all rough, and now that I find myself in a really wonderful life season, I get all bent out of shape (read uptight, afraid, depressed) when things go wrong. As though I thought I had woken up from a bad dream, so what in tarnation are bad things doing here?
Truth is, pretty much none of us get out of this life without some sort of suffering, some sort of joy, and some sort of in-between-those-two. The sooner I embrace the suffering part and stop being surprised by it, the sooner I can unclench my fists and just go with it, with life, unburdened by that impossible dream of an unscathed life. The sooner I can open up my mail and then get on with things. Peacefully.
November 30th, 2005 at 2:53 pm
Nice thought!
Hmmmm, would this also apply to leaf blowers and people that cut you off in traffic?
November 30th, 2005 at 6:50 pm
Dealing with the health insurance companies–and Medicare–takes extreme patience and stick-to-itiveness. I’m sure every single one of us has horror stories galore. I just keep telling myself that the poor individual person who answers the phone has only what the computer says before them–and many of the people the companies hire are none too bright. I handled insurance for my stepmom and two of my sisters as they aged and died–including spending down assets for one sis and getting on MediCal, then putting her in a nursing facility. I thought I’d go stark raving mad–and I realized how crucial it is for the elderly to have advocates to help them through the muck, mire and unecessary complication. Because I am a driving perfectionist, I expect others to be likewise. Not! So MANY things in life do require us to look at the Four Noble Truths and the Eight-Fold Path. But–we are human, and it sounds to me like you got your buttons pushed–as even the most enlightened of us do. And cut yourself slack–you’ve got a baby and your hormones aren’t quite back to normal yet. One thing that holds me in good stead is that when the bullshit and crossed-messages start to happen, I always ask if I can speak to the supervisor of the department. This goes for tech support, too. Then I tell them I’ve documented our conversation and ask them to fax me some kind of follow-up that they are indeed working on my problem. They won’t always do it, but they do know you mean business.
December 1st, 2005 at 12:23 pm
Mind Like Water
Kristin raises a question that I have wrestled with for some time…”what are bad things doing here?” But the truth is that many bad things are not here at all. They exist in some imaginary future….