If wonder can describe what it’s like to be pregnant, I have no word for what I’m feeling now.  Love?  Surely that.  And wonder too.  But also elation.  And joy.  Gratitude.  The sense that I could watch this tiny life all day and it wouldn’t be too much. He’s beautiful.  He’s more beautiful than I could have imagined.

We named him Elijah.  Elijah Clay.  All we can do is just smile and stare at him.  And each other.  And then smile and stare some more.

Surgery went well.  It started out a little rockily, since I have a history of heart palpitations and the spinal block they gave me made my heart go nuts and my blood pressure drop (and my dear husband get woozy watching me almost pass out).  But the anesthesiologists were very good, and soon I was stabilized, and even sooner after that I heard a baby cry, and then he was on my chest and I was staring into the eyes of an 8-pound, 11-ounce ball of precious.

As with most cesareans, we had to stay in the hospital for a few days, so Sunday night was our first one home.  We’re thinking now that all the millions of doctors and lab techs and anesthesiologists and CNAs and food dropper-offers and picker-uppers and birth certificate people and lactation specialists and hearing testers and shot-givers and – am I forgetting anyone? – who come into your room in the hospital every minute of every day are all in on some grand conspiracy to make being at home seem like HEAVEN compared with being at the hospital, because we can’t say enough how great it is to be home.  I’ve been up the last two nights every 2 to three hours for feedings, but feel like I’m being treated to the most generous amounts of sleep ever, and have woken up both days feeling emotionally on top of the world.  I can so do this.

My only complaint right now is the lingering spinal headache I got from the spinal block that forces me flat on my back for any kind of relief.  But I’ve been told that should subside any day now, and really, who cares if I’m flat on my back when I have THIS to stare at while I’m there?

Okay.  Enough gushing for now.

Love to all.

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