Hush
I wonder whether Mother Nature has a way of quieting us down sometimes, when quietness is needed. There’s probably times when she tries and we trump her efforts, banging away internally or externally so loudly she hasn’t got a chance to get through. But for me lately, quietness is taking over.
My inner life has long been a chorus of competing voices – so many questions to be asked, tasks to try to imagine accomplishing, messages about what’s important and not important, what I should feel happy or sad or proud or guilty about, what I should or shouldn’t spend my time doing – even simple curiosities about all sorts of subjects, from science to politics to religion to economics. But week by week, as my belly starts to bulge and the accompanying hormones go about their thing, my inner chorus is sounding a lot more like…like a flower sitting in the sun. Like dust, suspended in a beam of light. Can you hear it?
A line from Indigo Girls makes me mindful this morning of how different I feel these days from my usual self. “You set up your place in my thoughts, moved in and made my thinking crowded.” I could have said this to pretty much all of the people and stimuli in my life until now. But now…
I take my morning walks, and think mainly about how fresh the air feels on my face, how melodious the birdsong sounds, how fragrant the vegetation is, and heart-warming the footprints of dogs and owners next to dew-kissed grasses.
I sit down to write, and though present to my characters and enjoying watching layers of story unfold, feel un-preoccupied with it all when I’m done for the day. My stack of “current” unfinished books and magazines holds little appeal when the dishes are done and I’m ready for the evening. I’d rather just sit on a comfortable chair and be (with a snack).
Is this resounding hush a gift?…a gift given before baby bursts into our lives and quiet is a rarity? Is it my body’s way of saying, “Peace, dear one. Let peace, not worry, form the baby in your womb”?
The world keeps on spinning its jumbled, stumbly course. Big questions are not answered and all around are important thoughts to think and actions to be taken. But in this soul of mine, in this little apartment where all I hear right now is the hum of the refrigerator and the silent kicks of this baby I have yet to see, I think I’ll simply be. And for now, in this season, I’ll call that very good.